


If You Asked Me To

by cravekereal



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: And I mean light, Crying After Sex, Cuddling, Edging, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-Act 3, Religious Experiences, Riding, Tenderness, Trans Man Gordon, Unprotected Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25612261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cravekereal/pseuds/cravekereal
Summary: Gordon’s comment about the HEV suit jerking him off is real and it haunts me every single day.I wrote this to cope.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 50
Kudos: 577





	If You Asked Me To

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here’s the rundown folks:
> 
> Fuck that Metrix dude, he’s a piece of shit and I want nothing to do with him. If you support him or anything get the fuck outta here.
> 
> I’m an adult who wants to write about other adults consensually getting busy and that’s it. 
> 
> Dont send this to the crew, guys. Don’t be that person.
> 
> I’ve written hardly any smut before.
> 
> I’m not a trans man but I am nonbinary— I don’t use dick in reference to Gordon’s genitals because I simply don’t know... how to? Do that? I’m not sure on the terminology of that so I just used the words I’m comfortable with.
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s dark and silent with only the distant, echoing sound of a headcrab in the vents cutting through. Benrey’s alone and awake, sitting on the top of a crate. He’s kicking his foot idly and watching the science team snore away in their makeshift cuddle pile. 

And Benrey’s sitting here, his shoulders tense and his foot bouncing away because he can’t fuckin’ keep still because some asshole decided to get up and wander off. It’s been half an hour already and Gordon’s shitty excuse of going to the bathroom ain’t holding up anymore.

It’s been half an hour and Benrey swears that the sounds of the headcrabs are getting closer and Gordon isn’t fucking back yet.

Benrey thinks he’ll give him another 10 minutes, just in case he actually did decide to rub one out real quick, but he hears a thud and a screech reverberating through the vents and gives up.

It really doesn’t take that long at all to find him. Five minutes tops, and he finds him in an empty office. Well, he hears him before he sees him— a choked whimper clues him in. 

Benrey makes a beeline, pushing the door open gently, the hinges creaking. The light from the hallway cascades into the office, perfectly illuminating Gordon’s hunched figure. He’s shaking, his shoulders trembling and both of his arms wrapped tightly around his abdomen. 

Adrenaline shoots through Benrey’s chest. He’s— oh fuck, he’s hurt, isn’t he? Stupid fucking Gordon wandered off to piss and got hurt and he’s bleeding out in this office and Benrey is standing there like a piece of shit asshole stop staring and fucking move—

It takes no time at all for him to get to Gordon, kneeling next to him with his hands hovering just above his shoulders. “bro— you good?” He asks quietly, swallowing his own fear. Gordon shakes his head wordlessly and whimpers again. “what— can I help? please? what happened?”

Gordon finally, god, finally, looks up at him, opening one eye while the other is screwed shut, and swallows before answering. “Yeah— you— you can help by getting this fffffuh— _fucking_ suit off me.”

He practically growls it out through his teeth, sucking in another sharp breath immediately after saying it and throwing his head back. Face twisted in a grimace, Gordon’s groan fades into a whine as he suddenly drops all the tension from his body, his chest heaving.

“huh?” Benrey blinks. He didn’t hear him right. Couldn’t have. “wh?” Did— what— why was Gordon—?

Suddenly, something Gordon said at some point enters his mind and he inhales when he realizes exactly what the fuck is going on.

“oh shit. bro. it’s actually jerking you off?”

Gordon groans again, this time much rougher and on purpose. “Ugh, nevermind.” He braces himself on the wall as he stands, legs shaking almost violently. “Fuck off, man, I knew you would—“

“hey, no, i’ll get it off you.” Benrey blurts out, raising his hands up passively.

Gordon gives him a cursory look but sighs and leans against the wall. “Okay. Thanks, man.”

Benrey lets Gordon lead him to the emergency latches, his fingers deftly finding them and twisting them undone. It’s… really fucking awkward, especially because before he’s even done with the first one, Gordon jolts and has to steady himself on Benrey’s shoulders while he’s trying to wiggle the latch open. And now Gordon’s trembling quietly with his hands on Benrey’s shoulders, his head hanging, hiding his face. He undoes the first one and quickly moves to the next one, blush rising as Gordon’s breathing gets heavier and heavier.

“so, uh,” He smacks his lips, trying to find something to say in his head cause he’s already started and— “why’s uh, what’s so bad about it crankin’ your hog for ya?”

“I can’t fucking sleep be— because it’s— haah— it just keeps e— HNN— edge—“ He cuts himself off with a moan and almost collapses into Benrey, leaning forward and resting his head right on his shoulder. 

Benrey tenses, pausing in his task, because he can feel Gordon’s breath right on his neck. He’s whimpering again, every single sound so very audible and right there, soft and needy and so, so desperate. He’s rolling his hips in the leftover space between them and when he’s up this close he can hear the almost imperceptible buzz coming from the suit.

Benrey can’t deny anything at this point— this may just be the hottest thing he’s ever witnessed. He’s getting really hard really fast with the help of Gordon’s tiny noises right in Benrey’s ear as he clings to his vest and tries to find purchase, tries so hard to get any relief. Benrey thinks he may just fucking straight up goo in his fuckin’ pants like a little bitch if Gordon keeps it up. 

And then it’s all over, and Gordon almost falls over from the sudden loss of stimulation. “No— fuck,” He honest to god sobs, his voice breaking in the middle of his plead. “I wanna— I wanna cum— no, nononono—“

The sound invigorates Benrey, filling him with the sudden and intense desire to let this man cum right now. 

He is going to make it his goddamn life’s MISSION to get this man to cum.

He makes quick work of the remaining latches as Gordon pants into his ear. The second the HEV suit starts to hiss as the locks release, Gordon is scrambling to pull every single piece off his body with the insulated jumpsuit following soon after. He falls to his knees, dragging Benrey with him, still wearing his stupid tie and button up that he wore to work before putting the suit on. 

“Benrey,” is all Gordon can rasp out before grabbing him by the straps of his security vest and pulling him up into a messy kiss. Their teeth bump together but it doesn’t stop him. His lips are cold and a little chapped but Benrey can barely even fucking think because Gordon Freeman is kissing him.

The feeling of Gordon forcibly pulling him closer and closer, his tongue wet and warm and uncoordinated, his hands running up his neck and knocking his helmet to the floor to run through his hair, nails digging into his scalp— all of it send wave after wave of heat down into his stomach. It all pools and gathers and Benrey is hyperfocused on how Gordon has so expertly drawn him in and everything about him just leaves him wanting more, more, _more_.

Gordon’s pulling away again with a gasp and a grunt, and Benrey whines from the loss of his lips. Then he feels him pressing his hands to his abdomen, trying to shove up his security vest. He sits up just for a moment to throw it over his head and right onto the floor next to his helmet. 

Gordon grabs him by his tie and pulls him right back down to kiss him again, pretty much having Benrey straddle him, and oh _god_ , he rolls his hips up right into Benrey’s dick. Benrey chokes on a noise bubbling out of his throat which makes Gordon do it again.

“please,” Benrey chokes out, pressing his forehead to Gordon’s. “please, i wanna make you cum so bad, bro.”

Gordon inhales sharply and does it again, making Benrey shudder, lightning going up his spine. “Yeah,” He breathes and presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth and then jaw. “Go for it.”

And go for it Benrey does. With Gordon’s go ahead, Benrey gently pushes Gordon down all the way to the ground. He instinctively spreads his legs, even while still clothed, and Benrey almost moans at the sight. He keeps going, pulling as his tie until he can get it off, and then going in for the shirt.

He needs to be patient and careful and not fuck up because he thinks he’ll straight up die if Gordon gets pissed at him now, he’ll just die of extreme blue balls if Gordon fucks off and gets himself off alone. 

The shirt comes off one button at a time and Benrey has to sit back and enjoy the view for a moment.

He’s... god, Freeman looks _good_. 

He’s got a sheen of sweat covering him, a dusting of dark hair across his forearms and chest and a thick streak trailing down his rounded stomach into his pants. He’s got scars underlining his pecs, dark and faded, must years old. His arms look— strong. Big. He’s smaller without the suit bulking him up but fuck, that doesn’t mean shit when Benrey’s looking at the muscles rippling under his initial and deceiving layer of softness.

“jesus fuck,” Benrey swears through his teeth. “you look so hot. freeman more like fuckin’— hotman. fuck. could— could pick me up like a goddamn football— could fuckin’ firmly grasp _me—_ “

“You— you’re taking too _long_ ,” Gordon groans, but he’s blushing down his chest now.

Benrey obeys easily and moves lower, his mouth going dry as he trails his fingers down his stomach and starts to unbuckle Gordon’s belt. Gordon’s already got his glasses pushed up and an arm over his eyes, the other hand pressing knuckles against his mouth. Benrey swallows as he tugs his pants and briefs down at the same time, freeing his junk from it’s confinement at long last. He gets his pants to his knees before Gordon just kicks them off.

Benrey lowers himself more and softly prys Gordon’s legs apart, drinking in the sight of him, glinting and throbbing in the cold air. The dark, coarse hair there is soaked and almost dripping. His inner thighs are wet and slick, and Benrey wets his lips. His dick is so hard it’s painful, straining against his pants and making him shift ever so slightly just to grant the tiniest relief.

Benrey tries not to waste time, knowing that Gordon is getting more desperate by the second. He rolls his clit with his thumb for a moment before he presses a finger against his hole, sinking one inside of him so easily. 

Gordon muffles his own moan but doesn’t muffle his, “More— _more_.”

He gives him more, giving him a second finger and curling, his own breathing getting heavier and heavier as Gordon bites his hand. Every single jolt and snap of his hips only makes it harder for Benrey to breathe— to think of anything other than Gordon and how he is going to be so good, hes gonna do so well and give Gordon a fucking amazing A+ orgasm over here, Benrey’s gonna be so good just for him, all for him.

“Yeah, man, it’s— hah— it’s good, you’re being _so_ good,“ Gordon says, rolling his hips in emphasis, and Benrey doesn’t even realize how embarrassing it is that he said that shit out loud cus his head is swimming with praise. He’s obsessed with the way Gordon’s walls are fluttering around his fingers, how they disappear into him as he moves faster and faster with Gordon moving in pace.

“It’s not _enough_ ,” He whines eventually, and Benrey looks up and the air leaves his lungs in a sudden rush. Gordon’s watching him with glistening eyes, looking completely wrecked. He’d pulled out his hair tie at some point and now his hair was sticking to his face and neck, just _saturated_ in sweat as he pants. “I— shit, I need _you_ ,” 

If Benrey wasn’t already so far gone that would’ve been the hook, line, and sinker. The exact wording and just the _way_ he says it goes straight to his dick and makes it twitch painfully against his pants that he hisses through his teeth. He’s never been so turned on in his whole goddamn life, he thinks blearily, the one thought that can get above the fog of arousal long enough to be comprehensible.

And he knows something must show in his face because Gordon’s eyes widen and he lets out a shaky, shuddering breath. 

“Off.” Gordon says firmly, his fingers tugging at Benrey’s sleeve.

Benrey nods lamely and starts getting undressed, every inch of him feeling entirely too fucking warm to still be wearing clothes. He chucks it all far away, not even looking, and groans when he finally releases his cock from his boxers. It’s got pre-cum beading at his tip, most of it having soaked into his boxers. He exhales heavy but when he goes to finally, finally touch it, Gordon reaches his hand down first.

Benrey’s gasp turns into a whine half way through, high and needy as he falls forward, his dick twitching so hard that Gordon gasps himself when he feels it. Their foreheads are pressed together now, sharing their breaths. Benrey has to hold himself back from just fucking his hand as Gordon smears his pre-cum across his head with his thumb and gives him a couple of strokes.

“fuck, fuck, fuck, shit,” he whispers harshly, keeping his eyes closed, because he’s sure if he looks at Gordon touching his dick he will actually literally die for real this time. “gordon, fuck, _please_.”

“You should beg more often,” Gordon says, but his voice is shaky and hardly projecting the suave confidence he thinks it is but fuck does it still has the same effect. “It’s— It’s a good look on you.”

That sends a spike of lightning right into his gut, making him whine in response. “please, please, i wanna— gordon, _please_.” He obeys, his voice breaking in the middle. Gordon chokes on nothing and brings his knees up more.

“Okay,” He nods, his voice thick and rough and Benrey can feel it rumble in his chest. “Okay.” And it's all he says before lining him up and guiding him in.

And—

 _Fuck_.

He can’t breathe.

Benrey’s so, so _gone_.

This is what God feels like. It has to be. He’s fucking sure of it. He’s never been one to believe in that shit but this— this is the closest he’s ever gotten to having a religious experience. Holy and golden and explosive in his chest as he sinks deeper into him, falling and drowning and flying.

It’s so… hot. Burning, compared to the cold air around them. He’s the sun, Benrey realizes. Warm and wet and _soft_. He goes so slowly, his head slipping to Gordon’s shoulder and the moan he lets loose when he bottoms out is ragged. His throat is working uselessly, swallowing over and over even when his mouth feels like a desert. 

This is more than he ever thought he could have. It’s— it’s so much, almost too much, but then Gordon tells him to move and he does and holy _fuck_. He opens his mouth to say as much but all that spills out is a slew of dark purple lights mixed with his own keening. His hips stutter as he tries to settle into an awkward rhythm.

He’s keyed in on Gordon, trying to gauge his reactions in order to adjust. Benrey hears his little dissatisfied groan, feels his hips shift under him, and moves accordingly. He tries again, and again, and then rolls his hips in a certain way that makes Gordon jerk and bite down on Benrey’s neck and he does it again and again and there it is, there’s the perfect little noises spilling from Gordon’s mouth, telling him to _keep going, right there, oh, fuck._

“so good, gonna—“ Benrey groans, unable to stop himself from just babbling, now, he’s so far away. “gonna make you feel so good, gonna be so good for you, like— uhn, ‘m gonna be like mozart in your fuckin’ pussy right now.”

“Benrey,” Gordon moans his name, and it’s so _delicious_. “Shut the fuck up.”

He cups his jaw and brings Benrey’s face back up to him and he can’t look, he can’t look at Gordon. God, does he want to but if he looks now he’ll burn up, he’ll go blind because Gordon is the sun. Because the closer you get, the harder you fall.

Gordon just kisses him again, smushing their lips together and oh— Gordon’s _whimpering_ into his mouth, now. Benrey snaps his hips up _hard_ and Gordon throws his head back with a moan.

“Again, harder,” He breathes the commands out, and Benrey’s so _so_ willing to please.

Gordon’s tiny sounds explode into a cacophony of moans and gasps. He moves with him, both of them rocking into each other in time to an unheard melody. Gordon scrabbles against him, blunt nails scraping against his shoulders and back, and Benrey can’t even get out the words to tell him to do it again, harder, make it hurt, because he’s really trying to hold on here. He’s not gonna last much longer.

“‘m close, i— i can’t—“ He pants, expecting Gordon to tell him to just keep going, he can finish him with his mouth, it’ll be okay—

Except Gordon just grunts out “Shit, hold on,” and shoves at Benrey, forcing him back in an instant. He opens his eyes out of shock and grunts when he falls backwards. 

Then Gordon's on top of him, straddling him, gripping the base of his dick so hard it sends a shock on pain into his gut. And he’s looking, seeing Gordon stare down his nose right at him, a look of such dissatisfaction shooting right down into his dick. 

He— he should hate this, right? Should hate that Gordon looks upset, that he didn’t do well enough for him. But Benrey licks his dry lips and feels his blood rush at the sight of Gordon high above him, the golden light coming from the hallway encircling him and outlining him so beautifully, the sheen of sweat on his skin almost shimmering. The way his strong thighs flex and quiver, his heavy chest heaving with each breath, his thick dark hair all a mess, really showing how properly fucked he already looks—

Gordon just looks so breathtaking, right here above him. 

Right where he always should be, his cumbraim tells him.

Like the sun, his gaybrain supplies.

Once they’ve both had a second to breathe, Gordon sits up, lines himself up again, and sinks down onto him.

And Benrey thinks he might just be a little in love with the way Gordon makes eye contact as he does, not hiding his shuddering sigh once he bottoms out. He gives an experimental rock, inhales sharply, and keeps doing it. 

Benrey feels his chest swell and his hands dart forward as Gordon gets into a steady pace, fingertips digging into his soft hips as he squeezes. But Gordon grabs his hands and pries them away from his hips. Instead, he leans forward and, not stopping for a second, pins his wrists to the ground next to his head. 

Benrey, his head swimming, thinks he may be more than a _little_ in love.

He’s _absolutely_ in fucking love with the way Gordon gets himself on his cock, no assistance needed. Just _using_ him, bucking his hips and grinding his clit against his pelvis as he holds Benrey down. He’s keeping that level of control, that dominance over him even when he’s so desperate for this, so desperate for release— because they both know that desperation doesn’t mean submission.

This is love, it has to be, with the way Gordon keeps eye contact, intense and ruined as a string of obscene noises fall from his throat, each one louder than the next. His face flushed and his pupils blown wide and his glasses askew on his nose. The way his lips are dark and swollen and he’s drooling, a thin line of saliva dripping down his chin from the corner of his mouth, and Benrey is in love, love, love, _love_.

If Benrey wasn’t close before, he absolutely was now, because he lied, earlier— _this_ is the hottest thing he’s ever seen in his life. He can’t hold on, he’s not going to last very long at all.

Gordon’s moans are getting faster, higher, louder, he’s getting really close too, and Benrey wants to see Gordon come more than anything in the whole fucking world right now. Fuck everything else, Gordon is the only one that matters, that’s ever mattered, everyone else is just _dust_ , Gordon is more, more, so much more than them—

It takes only moments for Gordon’s hips to stutter, his walls to clench, his grip to tighten. He comes with a ragged gasp echoing from his throat, throwing his head back and arching his back as he tries to ride it out, bucking wildly against Benrey, his eyes actually tearing up from the rush of relief. He’s gorgeous, he’s so beautiful just like this that Benrey thinks he’s going to cum just from the sight.

He sits up, disobeying Gordon’s silent orders just so he can get better leverage to fuck up into him. As he does, Gordon hisses out, “Oh, fuck, Benrey, _please_ ,” before wrapping his arms around his neck and biting the tender part in between his shoulder and neck.

Benrey jerks his hips up and sobs, completely _wrecked_. Gordon cups his face and kisses him again, for the fourth time, and his eyes roll into the back of his head. He whimpers and clings to him so tightly as he comes inside of Gordon. It’s the most intense feeling he’s ever had— he looks into Gordon’s eyes as he does and it’s so deathly intimate, so raw and tender that it brings a flood of tears to his eyes. 

He’s— fuck, Benrey doesn’t think he’s _ever_ cried before (he’s never needed to) but he feels like Gordon has a vice grip around his entire soul right now. And it’s not— it’s not out of fear, he’s not scared because if he were scared then he’d be snarling and baring his teeth. He’s crying in earnest, hiccuping as Gordon rides him through both of their orgasms, because Gordon is looking at him, is holding all of Benrey in the palm of his hand right now. He could hurt him so badly with the smallest words, he could devastate him with the tiniest movement.

Instead, Gordon just cups Benrey’s jaw and brushes a thumb along it and knocks their foreheads together and whimpers his name like it’s a prayer. And Benrey falls apart. He comes undone here, tonight, as his hips still and his dick stops pulsating inside of Gordon.

It doesn’t take long for the sudden exhaustion to hit. Benrey sniffles and watches Gordon’s eyes slowly roll up, blinking rapidly, and he quickly tightens his hold on the man. Gordon slowly melts into him, falling onto his chest with his full weight. Benrey gently lays them both down, pulling out as he does. He lays on his back next to Gordon, trying to swallow his sobs and wipe away any stray tears. 

How goddamn embarrassing is this? Crying after sex like some kinda chicken hat. 

Grabbing whichever article of clothing is closest (Gordon’s shirt), he clears his throat and uses it to wipe his face of tears and then wipes off the rest of himself. 

Gordon’s out of it— not unconscious, by the way his eyes are watching Benrey’s every movement, but just exhausted— so Benrey puts the shirt next to him, sniffles, wipes his eyes a little more, and puts his pants back on. He does so slowly, his muscles are still burning from exertion and he’s trying to give Gordon time to mop himself up.

He slowly sits up eventually and does so, wincing in pain. He throws the shirt away from himself and makes grabby-motions and grunts at his pants. 

Benrey grabs them from their position near the HEV suit and hands ‘em over but very suddenly remembers something. He doesn’t hesitate in grabbing the pelvis piece and digging his fingers right into the still-buzzing device inside and ripping it out. It dies instantly, going still, and Benrey sneers at it before crushing it in his bare fist.

“Damn,” Gordons rasps out from behind him and Benrey looks at him. He’s got his pants back on and is sitting up in a corner, breathing heavily. He’s staring blearily, his eyes obviously struggling to keep open, looking at Benrey with the most wrecked expression. Benrey pauses, keeping that eye contact, because they both have that post-nut clarity now. 

Gordon’s— Gordon’s gonna tell him he regrets it. It was just a fluke— he was desperate and it was heat of the moment and he regrets letting Benrey touch him, letting Benrey fuckin’ _cum_ in him—

Except then Gordon quirks one side of his mouth up, smiling and exhausted and looking so happy to be so thoroughly fucked.

Benrey wheezes and accidentally sends a stream of pink to blue into the air. He feels embarrassment flood his veins and he quickly waves the Sweet Voice away, trying to dispel it. Gordon chuckles weakly from the corner and Benrey’s face feels like a furnace, now.

He throws on his undershirt at Gordon and quickly tugs on and buttons up his own. He hesitates before slipping on his boots again. You never know, y’know?

Benrey hesitates, again, glancing at Gordon. He blinks at Benrey and gently pats the spot on the floor next to him. An open invitation. 

Benrey swallows thickly and trudges over, sitting down carefully. He tries to give Gordon room but the other man just slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him right into his side. Benrey very carefully lets himself get comfortable, keeping his eyes away from Gordon’s. He’s… this really is far beyond anything he could have hoped for.

“Thanks,” Gordon mumbles into his hair, his cheek against his head. “I really appreciate your help, man.”

Benrey’s sure his entire face is flushed bright red. He very carefully doesn’t look up at Gordon. “uh. no problem.” He pauses, wracking his exhausted brain. “...it was. nice. liked it. good shit.”

”Good.” Gordon hums in response. Benrey can feel his breathing even out and feels himself relaxing further and further.

They fall asleep just like this. The headcrabs will stay quiet through the night until it’s time for them to get up and make themselves presentable.


End file.
